5 things my yoga teacher taught me that changed my life
My first yoga teacher was a gentle, earnest, spiritual, and funny woman. When I started yoga, it was because I had quit smoking and was trying to find some other way to calm my mind and improve my body. I was at the beginning of my path to self-improvement, and Penny, my yoga teacher, was a strong supporter and guide. Without even realising it, she did so much to inspire me.
We became friends and she followed my progress with interest.
I was honoured when she asked me to do some early editing of her audiobook, and
I was always inspired by her constant search for ways to improve herself and to
learn as much as she possibly could. She was in her late sixties, but had so
much enthusiasm and zest for life.
I was so sad to learn this past week that she passed away recently. We hadn’t kept in touch these last few years after I moved away, so I wasn’t even aware that she was ill. I regret that I didn’t do more to stay in touch with this wonderful woman. Despite not staying in touch, she frequently pops up in my mind. She was such a positive influence for me, and there are many things she taught me that are always coming up in my day to day life.
5 things my yoga teacher taught me (that aren’t yoga postures):
Never stop learning.
Penny had such a thirst for knowledge and made me realise how fortunate we are to be able to learn pretty much anything we want. She struggled with technology but there was no way in the world she was ever going to let it beat her! I used to think I’ll just finish my degree and I’ll be done with education. But Penny inspired me to think of all the things I’d love to learn one day, and now I can’t ever imagine not working at learning something. I’ve developed her enthusiasm for constantly learning. Whether it’s through formal education channels, or teaching yourself something through YouTube and online tutorials, the possibilities are endless.
You can control your mind.
There are so many things in the world that are beyond our immediate control. But Penny taught me that no matter what is going on around you, the one thing you have full control over is your mind. With focus and practice, you can take yourself to where you want to be emotionally and spiritually. In times of intense fear and danger, I was able to remain somewhat calm by using this skill.
You don’t have to be the best, but you do have to be better than your previous self.
I’ve always been a bit of a high achiever, but I’ve never been the best at anything. The feeling of total inadequacy has been a constant thing in my life. Penny taught me through yoga that it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing or achieving. Their experience is different to yours. What matters is that you are working on being better than you were previously. I have taken this and applied it to all areas of my life. Instead of the constant feeling of inadequacy, I now have a frequent feeling of achievement because I know that however far from perfect I might be, I’m still better than I was before. And that’s progress. Penny was always far more excited about progress than she was about complete mastery!
Be true to yourself.
Penny was passionate about a lot of things. A lot of those things were a bit weird. She had some spiritual practices that would raise eyebrows simply because they were out of the ordinary. We would go out for lunch to a café and she would bring out this little gadget and put a tiny portion of her food inside it. The first time this happened I was very confused. Was she taking some home for a pet mouse or something? No, it was an offering to the Gods, she explained nonchalantly, then proceeded to say a prayer and then urged me to eat. While I did not feel the need to take up this practice (mainly because I don’t like to share my food), I loved and respected that it was an important practice to her, and she would not allow others to modify it.
I’ve since learned that this is a pretty common practice in some religions, but it was very rare to see it occurring in a public place in the country town I lived in.
You can teach others even while you are still learning yourself.
Penny had an expansive knowledge of yoga, but she was very open about the fact that she was still learning herself. There were some postures that she could not quite master, but she would still teach them to others and would show great excitement about the fact that we were all learning together. By being open and upfront about what you do and don’t know, and by continuing to learn with your students, you can in fact be a better teacher than one who believes they have mastered the subject and has nothing more to learn.
I will continue to miss Penny and to think of her often, because she truly helped to change my life. The principles I’ve mentioned in this post are some of the main drivers of Fly Life.
A challenge for you:
Sometimes it’s not until someone is gone that you realise what a huge influence they have been in your life. So today I challenge you to think about who inspires you, and why. What have they taught you, or how have they changed the way you do things? If you want, you can just do this as a private exercise, but I’d love it if you would share your thoughts in the comments!
Personal development is such a huge field and probably means
different things to different people. My interest in personal development started
at a time when I realised that I couldn’t always change a situation, but I
could change how I respond to it. I could change myself. So I started making
tiny changes that rapidly built up until I was actually quite a different
person to who I started out as.
This doesn’t mean that I’ve reached the end point in my
personal development journey. I think it’s a lifelong pursuit to be a better
person, to be someone you’re proud of, to live a life that you love and are proud
I’m not out to “fix” anyone or tell people what’s right and
wrong. I’m just enjoying my own path to self-improvement and I like to share my
own experiences and some things I’ve learned along the way through my studies.
My view on personal development, and what I hope to bring you through my blog,
Always try to be a
little bit better than the person you were yesterday.
Try to make someone
else’s day a little bit better than it was before they interacted with you.
Be conscious of what
kind of person you want to be, and work toward it.
Make gradual changes, have a go at new ways of doing things, new ways of thinking.
Life is a constant
experiment. Have fun testing what works for you and what doesn’t.
If you don’t like something, change it, or at least change how you respond to it.
What it looks like in practice:
Some days you might experiment with developing a small
habit, like say for example, making your bed or doing meal prep for the week. Other
times you might experiment with something huge like starting a new career,
studying a new field, or ending a toxic relationship.
I’m focusing big this year on just trying to always be a
little bit better than I was before. Personal development is NOT about being better
than someone else. It’s not about proving anything to anyone else. Really, it’s
just about being who YOU want to be.
Even when I’ve had a bad day, I feel okay when I can go to
bed knowing that at least I tried to do something positive about it.
You with me?
So if this seems like your version of personal development, self-improvement, growth…. whatever you want to call it… come hang out with me. Follow my blog, subscribe to my newsletter, follow me on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest, or send me an email now and then. Let me know what you want to read about or talk about. Tell me what you find useful. Share your tips or experiment findings with other readers! Let’s make each day a little better than the one before.
I had my first cigarette behind the chook shed with my best friend when we were maybe 13. It’s such a funny memory now. We had stripped down to our underwear so that our parents wouldn’t smell the smoke on our clothes. But I was still convinced three days later that mum might smell it on my breath. So I vowed after that first smoke that I would “quit smoking” because the stress of hiding it was just too much for me.
I think I was 16 when an older friend bought me a packet of smokes to help me get through a break-up (who does that?). With a whole packet of my own to practice on, and older friends to impress, it wasn’t that long before I was hooked. From the age of 18 I was smoking about 30 cigarettes a day. I tried to quit smoking on many occasions, using many different methods. It just never lasted.
I was in a relationship where my boyfriend smoked (even more than me), many of my friends smoked, and I spent a lot of time in the pub (when smoking was still legal inside). Smoking had just become part of my life.
What made it so hard to quit smoking?
I guess the hardest part of quitting was that part of me loved smoking. I loved the feeling of
calm that came over me when I lit up. I loved that it was a good excuse to withdraw
from a group for a brief period to step outside. It gave me something to do
while I sat on my veranda for hours at a time. I loved the feeling of a fresh
new pack each day in my hands.
All of this sounds so crazy now. But I was so attached to
smoking at the time that the idea of quitting was just torture.
Deciding to quit smoking
In 2011 I decided once and for all that I wanted to quit. I
thought about it for a long time and argued with myself. Sick of going through
the pain of quitting only to take it up again, I wanted to be sure this time
that I was ready. So I thought hard about why
I wanted to quit.
At the time, a beautiful woman with a connection to my
family was dying of smoking-related cancer. She had been one of the most
vibrant, dazzling women I had ever met, and though I didn’t have a particularly
close connection with her myself, her situation had a huge impact on me. She
wrote about her cancer experience, and her regret for smoking. I read every
word and thought about the fact that this woman had lived such a wonderful life
and positively impacted so many people, and her impending death was going to shatter
so many hearts.
And here I was, living a very-less-than-ordinary life, not making a positive impact anywhere,
but smoking my little lungs away. I didn’t expect that my death would have quite the same impact on people, but I also
realised that it wasn’t fair to put my family through it in any case. Smoking
was something that I could choose to do or not to do. To quit smoking was one
small way that I could show my family I loved them – not because they wanted me to quit, but because I
didn’t want them to suffer the pain of watching another loved one die an
But that wasn’t my only motivation.
Other reasons I quit smoking
It was getting bloody expensive! I was spending a huge amount of money on smokes and missing out on other things. It sucked being broke all the time.
I was a bit ashamed of being a smoker, so I spent a lot of time trying to hide my smoking and to make sure I didn’t smell offensive. This was effort that I realised I could spend on more interesting tasks and activities.
I would get very anxious if I thought I’d be in a situation where I couldn’t easily have a smoke. I would even avoid certain situations if necessary. It was tiring having to plan ahead for smoke breaks all the time.
I never had enough time for things I wanted to do. But I was smoking around 30 cigarettes a day. Each smoke would take about 5 minutes. That’s something like 2.5 hours every day that I was spending just on poisoning myself! Ridiculous!
I don’t like being dependent. Whether it’s depending on a person or a thing, it makes me uncomfortable. I like to know that I’m in control of myself, and I certainly wasn’t when it came to smoking. I was entirely dependent on Peter Jackson. While I sometimes tried to fool myself that I was smoking because I chose to and because I enjoyed it, the reality was that I was smoking because I had come to depend on it.
I was sick of being sick. “My immune system is weak” I would moan every time I got sick. Colds, flu, and chest infections were so frequent, and they would be severe and last a long time. I would be embarrassed every time I got sick, because deep down I knew that I would be a lot healthier if I didn’t smoke.
9 Tips to Quit Smoking Once and For All
Focus on why you want to quit.
No matter how big or small, think of as many reasons as you possibly can that you want to be a non-smoker. Forget about the things you like about smoking. Don’t worry too much about all the things you hear about how bad smoking is (although it’s all important and valid). Really focus on your own reasons for quitting, like I did in the list above. Also, it helped me to think about it as “reasons I want to be a non-smoker” rather than “reasons I want to quit smoking”. It just felt more like I was moving toward something positive rather than moving away from something that I had somewhat enjoyed. I’m a big believer that you can’t quit an addiction until YOU want to and until YOU are ready. It doesn’t matter what everyone else’s reasons are – you have to convince yourself that YOU want to quit.
Give yourself a time frame.
Rather than just aiming for one solid quit date, give yourself a time frame in which to quit. You might aim for a week or a month (you probably don’t want it to be too much longer). As I spoke about in another post, I knew that telling myself I’d quit on the 1st of January was a mistake. That time of year is still too relaxed and full of social activities, and that’s when I knew I’d find it difficult to quit. The possibility of falling off the wagon once or twice was also strong, so I decided I’d give myself until the end of January to be a non-smoker. This worked. On the 9th of January 2011 I had my last smoke.
Identify linked habits.
What do you do that is linked to your smoking habit? Is it something that you can give up or change, perhaps temporarily? I quit drinking at the same time as I quit smoking. The two often went together for me, so it would be much harder to stay off the smokes if I was having a beer or wine. Giving up drinking and smoking was effing hard, but it was easier than only giving up one at a time. I drank soda water from a wine glass to make it feel like I was still enjoying a special drink until I got used to not drinking. I stayed off the booze for about 9 months I think, and by the time I allowed myself to drink again, the association had been broken. By then I loved being a non-smoker.
Track and reward your progress.
Do something that will help you see and celebrate your success. I literally gave myself gold stars. I had some pretty, sparkly gold star stickers like these ones. It might seem like such a small thing, but I think it was one of the key drivers for me. The satisfaction of putting that sticker on the calendar at the end of the day was huge. And gradually, my calendar started to look SO FREAKIN’ PRETTY! It sparkled and glowed and congratulated me every time I walked past it.
Focus on a project.
Distraction is your friend!I focused on decluttering my house. With all this extra time on my hands, I needed something to keep me occupied. So I worked on going through each room in my house and getting rid of anything that was just clutter. Not only was my body starting to feel cleaner, but so was my house. Admittedly, in the early days I was such an emotional wreck from the withdrawals that I probably threw out more than I normally would. My thinking would have been along the lines of “If I can’t smoke, then what’s the point having all these things? Life is going to be miserable anyway – INTO THE BIN!!!” (It wasn’t my most rational period).
You’re going to feel pretty crappy for a little while, but I promise it gets better. In the meantime, do things to pamper yourself and make yourself feel good.I made a habit of regularly having a long luxurious bath with candles and a book. Also, I started eating better because I had more money for good food, and more time to cook it. There was a huge cupboard in my house full of lovely pampering products like hand creams, moisturisers, bath gels, etc. So, I started trying to use some of those each day. Now that I didn’t stink of cigarettes, I could appreciate the beautiful scented products on my skin.
Even in five-minute blocks, it can be a great replacement for smoking when it comes to stress relief. When I quit smoking, I joined a yoga class. I was so nervous and made sure I got a spot in the back corner. But it soon became my new addiction as I developed an appreciation of my body, extended my skills each week, and learnt beautiful relaxation techniques which were much more useful than smoking.
Have a trusty sidekick.
Find a non-judgmental support person who will encourage you. The day I quit smoking, I had a brand new packet of smokes in my bag. My best friend, a non-smoker, was always supportive of my efforts to quit, without being a bully about it. I knew I could trust her to guard my “emergency pack” and that she wouldn’t let me have them unless it was really, really desperate. Knowing that I already owned a pack prevented me from going and buying more in the weak moments. But knowing I’d have to ask my friend to give them to me made me consider whether I really needed them. She was so strong – there were times in those first weeks where I was crying and really struggling to break the addiction. It would have been much easier for her to hand me the pack and shut me the hell up, but she never did. She just kept telling me how proud she was of me, and how well I was doing. You need to have someone on your side.
Acknowledge the difference.
Try to be really conscious of how different you feel. The first few days were usually the hardest for me, but even several months later I’d have weak moments where I’d really miss smoking. So I tried to always be mindful of how nice it felt to breathe fresh air, to have time that I could use productively, to not be sick all the time, to have more energy. Even now, eight years later, I’ll occasionally walk past someone who’s smoking and I’ll get a bit of a craving. So instead of thinking about how smoking felt, I force myself to think about how I feel now.
How I feel now, 8 years later
I’m so glad I quit when I did. Without a doubt, it was
bloody hard. Addiction is a beast of a thing, and I was so heavily addicted to
cigarettes that there were times I thought I didn’t want to live if I couldn’t
be a smoker. Crazy huh? I’d tell myself things like “you’ve gotta die of
something, may as well be something you enjoy.” But since quitting, I’ve
discovered things I enjoy even more, and they’re not even gonna kill me!
I rarely get sick now (although that changed recently when
my baby started day care and started bringing a heap of germs home). Even when
I do get sick though, I recover a lot quicker.
I now own a house, a car, and plenty of nice things and I go
on real holidays. Yeah, so I have a mortgage, but even that would have been
impossible with how much I was spending on smokes.
With all the extra time (and self-esteem) I had when I quit, my life started to turn around in so many more ways. I took up study, I joined volunteering groups, I got a job I loved, I left a toxic relationship and built a loving, respectful relationship. It was such a huge turning point for me.
Most of all, as a non-smoker for 8 years, I FEEL FREE.
To sum it up:
If you’re considering quitting smoking, or some other habit that you don’t want in your life, do it.
Start by focusing on reasons you want to be a non-smoker.
Set a time-frame where you will work on quitting. Aim to quit as early as possible in that time frame, but give yourself some leeway if needed, and then keep trying the next day.
Identify your habits that are linked with smoking, and either change them or quit them as well.
Track and reward your progress. This might be something as simple as gold stars on the calendar, or perhaps you’ll buy yourself a treat with the money you’ve saved on smoking.
Focus on a project to keep yourself distracted. This will also give you something to show for all the extra time and energy you have.
Introduce self-care and pampering to get you through the crappy feelings of breaking the addiction.
Practice yoga or meditation. Even if you just use YouTube to find some quick 5- or 10-minute videos, it’s a great replacement for the stress relief that you once got from smoking. I know it’s not everyone’s thing, but at least give it a try.
Have a trusty sidekick. Having someone to support you is really important. Also remember that there are resources like Quitline to get counselling and support.
Acknowledge and focus on all the positive differences throughout your quit journey. Every time you have a craving, think instead about the things that have improved since you quit.
I’m not saying that you’ll never feel like smoking again.
But using these strategies has helped me to remain a non-smoker, even through
some really difficult times.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments if you have any
other tips to suggest. Or feel free to email me if you have any
questions or would like some support to begin your journey toward being a
I had a goal of reading 25 books in 2018. I made it to 20 and I’ll probably finish one more before the year is out. So close!
Here is a round-up of the books I read this year. I love to read, and I love it when I can recommend good books to others.
But a big problem I have is that even when I super-duper LOVE
a book, I quite often completely forget the details, or even what it was about!
All I remember is that I loved it and I couldn’t put it down.
So I thought this would be a good exercise in trying to stretch my memory back into the books I read this year.
Before we go further I should let you know that this post contains affiliate links. That means that if you purchase one of the books on this list after clicking on the link, I get a small commission. It doesn’t change how much you pay for the book, just puts a little moolah in my pocket. The links are in the titles of the books and also if you click on the images. Clicking on the links will also let you read full reviews and descriptions on Amazon.
This Goodreads Choice 2017 winner has a rating of 4.37 stars
and over 171,000 ratings. So I was pretty confident that it would be a good
book, and I was right. From memory, it was about a family torn apart and
children stolen as part of an adoption scandal. It was really heart-wrenching,
and even more so when I realised it was based on a true story.
Absolutely hilarious!! My mother-in-law gave me this book
after we called our baby Archie. My husband and I often give voices to our dogs
and our baby, making them “say” ridiculous and grown-up things. This book was
written from the perspective of a 2¾-year-old boy with a very naughty grown-up
attitude! It had me shaking with the giggles and tears rolling down my face. If
you’re looking for something quick and easy and funny to read, this is the one.
To be honest, I can’t remember much about this book. I rated
it 3 stars on Goodreads, which generally means it didn’t make me cranky or bore
me to tears, but I just didn’t love it enough to rave about it. It was about a
Polish Jewish family surviving under Nazi occupation. There were a lot of
characters to follow, and it was a good story with some quite interesting bits.
But nothing that really stuck with me.
I pretty much love anything written by Colleen McCullough
(author of The Thorn Birds). And this book was no exception. A nice easy read.
Set in the Blue Mountains. Can’t remember much more about it but I rated it 4
This one was okay, but not one of my favourite Colleen
McCullough books. Set in Australia during the Depression, and telling the story
of four sisters finding their independence in their nursing traineeships. I only
rated this one 3 stars.
I loved this book! It tells the story of one woman working as
a spy in France in the Great War, and an American woman searching for her
cousin in 1947. The two storylines are quite different but come together
nicely. I think it took me a while to get into one of the storylines, but once
I made a couple of little connections, I was good to go.
This story begins with a Holocaust survivor pointing a gun
at and accusing a wealthy American businessman of being a Nazi officer. The
story is of the lawsuit that follows, and the memories of a Jewish boy whose
brother became a Nazi. I enjoyed this book. It only got three stars from me,
but I can’t remember what dragged it down. Overall it rates 4.37 stars on
Goodreads with lots of ratings, so maybe it was just my mood at the time.
This is another one I loved at the time but then forgot all
about. It digs up family secrets and unravels mysteries that have shaped the personalities
and relationships in the story. Complex mother-daughter relationships, flawed
but interesting characters, and a secret reveal made this an enjoyable read.
This was a beautiful story of love, friendship, and loss. I
liked the characters and it was a nice easy read that I found hard to put down.
I’m pretty sure I’ve read a couple of Amy Harmon’s books and liked them, so I
might check out some others in 2019.
This book is often referred to in personal development,
happiness, and personality discussions. I’m very much an introvert myself,
which influences a lot of my personality and preferences. Learning more about
what that means and how I can still thrive as an introvert has been life-changing.
This book was interesting and easy to read, and I’d recommend it to anyone who
thinks they are an introvert.
I always try to fit in a couple of “classics” and this was
one I had been curious about for a while. I didn’t love it. It was only toward
the very end that I started to actually develop any interest in it, and it
clawed it’s way back up to 3 stars. I was left wondering if maybe I just didn’t
“get it”. Perhaps it’s the sort of book I’d enjoy more if I was forced to study
it deeply and discuss the various themes. But I’m kind of glad no one is going
to force me to do that.
I have found my new favourite author. I loved ‘A Man Called
Ove’ which I read last year, so I decided to give the author another go.
Beartown was incredible. I could not put it down. It explored some really
powerful themes and emotions in a really accessible, realistic, and
often-amusing way. I was just blown away by this book.
I love books that are written from a child’s point of view.
And I love working with people with disabilities and discovering unique and
wonderful things about them. This book is about an eleven-year old girl with a
photographic memory and more intelligence than anyone at her school (including
the teachers). But she also has a disability which involves no fine or gross
motor control, and she is non-verbal. So she’s usually perceived as being
unable to learn. Until she gets access to a communication device that has the
potential to change her life. Unfortunately, a device alone is not enough to
give a person equal opportunity. The prejudices and attitudes of society also
have to change. This was such an easy-to-read book. I think it’s actually written
for young people / kids. But I thoroughly enjoyed it.
If you ever find yourself unable to start something because
you don’t know how, or because you don’t have everything perfect, you should
read this book. We too often get paralysed by our fear of looking silly or of
failing. But sometimes you just have to take a leap and then figure it out. I’m
doing more of that as I get older, and sure sometimes the plan changes mid-way.
Sometimes it doesn’t work out. But other times it grows into something more
than I could have expected. This book reinforces that.
This guy has come up with the idea of breaking habits down
into something so small that you can’t NOT do it. For example, his goal of
getting fit was broken down into just one push-up per day. He finds that once
he does the one push-up it’s easy to do a few more. And over time because he
has succeeded every single day, it builds into a more positive self-belief
which makes it easier to build on the habit. However, one of his other “mini
habits” was to write just 50 words per day, and sometimes it’s very clear that
the book has been written that way. It jumps around a bit, and his enthusiasm and
energy is clearly portrayed in the writing, but it sometimes felt like
following a kid with ADHD and a belly full of sugar through a busy carnival.
Ah, another one from my newest literary love. This book had
me laughing and crying. Again, exploring deep themes with humour and incredible
writing. It used an interesting technique of delving into some fantasy and
fairy tales, which, if done by any other author would probably annoy the hell
out of me. But it was done in such a clever and tolerable way that it did not
ruin the book in any way for me. This book also sets a bit of background for
another one of his which I’ll get to shortly.
From dumpster diving and eBay selling to CEO of a
multi-million dollar company, Sophia Amoruso tells her badass success story.
This was a motivating and inspiring read, and I would especially recommend it
to girls who don’t necessarily fit into the “standard” expectations of society.
The girls who have the smarts but don’t like school, or can’t find a job they
can stick with.
Okay, as soon as you finish reading this post, you need to
go and buy ‘My Grandmother Sends Her Regards and Apologises’. Read it, and then
URGENTLY buy and read this one. I loved it so much that I started fretting when
I got more than halfway through because I didn’t want it to end. But I couldn’t
put it down. I was reading while cleaning my teeth, I was reading in my car if
I got to work a bit early, I was reading at 3am after feeding the baby. You don’t
actually have to read ‘My Grandmother…’
first, but I’m glad I did because there’s a character in that one (Britt-Marie)
who is then the main character of this one. I loved that it built on what had
already been painted of her in the first book. My husband actually got a bit irritated
with my constant giggling as I read this book. I just loved how well it was
written, and how such a pain-in-the-arse character became so lovable and
My favourite fiction book was Britt-Marie Was Here, but it was very hard to choose between the Fredrik Backman ones!
Favourite non-fiction was probably Quiet by Susan Cain.
My goal for reading books in 2019
I’ll aim for 25 books again in 2019. I think I managed to get through as many as I did this year because for the first few months of the year I was breastfeeding and up a lot during the night when it was quiet and I had to keep myself awake. So I’m not sure if I’ll get as far in 2019, but I’ll try. I love that reading opens up my mind to new ideas and different lives. I like a good mix of fiction and non-fiction, classic and contemporary.
Join me on Goodreads
I love to get recommendations from other people. Reading is so much more enjoyable when you can share the experience! Let me know any of your favourite books or authors in the comments, or join me on Goodreads.
After listening to the Happier podcast by Gretchen Rubin & Liz Craft, I’ve decided to set my own #19for2019 list of goals. These are some things that I’d really like to do in 2019. As I was writing the list I thought I was being pretty realistic, but after looking back on it I’ve realised it’s actually a bit ambitious. But I like to be ambitious!
I’m publishing my list even though that scares me. I don’t like to share my goals because I worry about what people will think if I fail. But I think it’s also a great way to stay motivated and accountable. I’ll check in every now and then and let you know how I’m going with the list!
So that’s my list! Now I’m going to have fun planning and plotting and scheduling some of this stuff into my diary so that it doesn’t get forgotten…
Want to join me? Try to think of 19 things you want to do in 2019. I’ve made mine a mix of big projects, regular activities, new habits, and things I can tick off relatively quickly and easily. I’d love it if you share your list with me!
There’s something at this time of year I get even more excited about than Christmas. Don’t get me wrong – Christmas is great. I love the special time with family, the music, the food and drink, the games… and of course I love tracking Santa so I know when it’s time to go to bed.
But there’s something else that I get really excited about, but I never tell anyone. It’s the approaching new year. A fresh start! The opportunity for new goals and resolutions! A brand spankin’ new diary!!! Squeeeeaaaal!
I really do believe that you can start a new goal or a new resolution any old time. But at the start of a New Year is obviously the ultimate starting point.
This gets a little tricky in one way. Here in Australia we are still often in holiday mode right throughout January. Even if we’re back at work, the long summer days and hot weekends tend to mean more socialising and relaxing than normal. Which in turn can be detrimental to your goals… unless of course your goal is to socialise and relax more.
So the way I handle this is to treat all of January as my starting point. I work on my new goals with the plan to have them firmly in place by the end of the month.
Make the whole month the starting point, not just Jan 1.
For several years I tried to quit smoking. I tried at all different times of the year, but it was always a New Years Resolution. It was eight years ago that my resolution changed slightly. Instead of “Quit Smoking on January 1”, my resolution became “Be a healthy non-smoker by the end of January”.
I was still on holidays from work for that first week of January, so trying to completely stop smoking during that time would be a disaster. Like it had been every other year! But every other year when I failed on day two and had a cigarette, I just accepted that I’d failed my resolution again, and went on smoking.
This time though, things were different. During that first week of January I would think about quitting every time I lit up. I would try different techniques like delay and distraction for as long as possible. But when I eventually caved and lit the cigarette, rather than calling myself a failure, I acknowledged that I was making progress and there was still time to quit before the end of the month.
The last time I smoked a cigarette was 9 January 2011. Almost 8 years ago. I was successful that time for a number of reasons, which I’ll write about in another post, but one important reason was that I’d given myself some room to move. Maybe that would work for your resolutions, and maybe not. But it’s something to consider!
All I know, is that year I changed how I approached my New Year’s Resolutions, and that was the beginning of a totally new and happier life.
Start planning now.
Anyway, back to my geeky excitement over the prospect of setting resolutions…
New Year’s Resolutions are too important just to make on a drunken whim on New Year’s Eve.
Start thinking now about how you want next year to look. More than that, how do you want it to FEEL?
Imagine this: It’s this time next year. You bump into an old friend who asks how your year has been. Your response is: “2019 was my best year EVER! Nothing could have been better!” Now pick apart what things might have happened during the year that could lead to that statement.
You might have just identified some goals to work toward!
There’s no need to sit and do a whole planning session right now. I’m sure there’s a million other things you need to get done before the fat man in red turns up. But I think it’s good to at least have this stuff swirling around in your mind so that when you do sit down to do some serious planning, you’re already primed.
Looking back on this year.
I think it’s always important when looking forward to your new goals, to also reflect on the past. It’s good to recognise what went really well, because this encourages us to keep going. Acknowledging what the challenges were helps us to plan for similar situations in the future.
Here are some questions you might like to ask yourself:
What has gone particularly well for you this year?
Did you achieve something great?
What did you work really hard at?
What is your happiest memory of the year?
Are there things you could have done better?
What things about the year do you wish you could have changed?
What was the hardest thing you faced this year? How did you get through it?
These questions might also feed into how you setup your resolutions for the New Year. We want more of the good stuff and less of the crappy stuff!
Set aside a planning date.
Those days between Christmas and New Year are a beautiful time to set aside some time to sit and work through all of this in detail. You are setting your year up for happiness and success, so it’s worth putting a little bit of time and effort into.
For me, I’ll be trying to put aside a couple of hours at least. The house will need to be quiet. I will need a glass of wine and a clear desk. I’ll reflect on 2018, and plan for 2019. Perhaps I’ll consider the different domains of my life and have resolutions for each one. Maybe I’ll think about doing my own Happiness Project (which I’m currently reading). Or maybe I’ll have an overarching theme for the year that I’ll break down into goals.
Ohhhhh the possibilities. I can’t wait to let my mind explode with ideas, visions, goals, and plans.
And perhaps in another 8 years’ time, just like my quit-smoking achievement, I’ll be able to identify this as another significant turning point in my life.
Will you join me in setting up 2019 to be your best year ever? Share your thoughts in the comments!
She’s making her list and checking it twice. Make that six times. Because even though she looked at it five other times, she was also juggling a screaming baby, trying to get the washing in, doing some overtime, and answering a bajillion questions from her husband. So she forgot what was on the list.
But now she’s checked it six times and rushed out to get some late-night groceries after the baby has gone to bed. Don’t worry, daddy is home with the baby! She’s madly trying to find everything in the store and wondering how far in advance she can buy Christmas food. Will it go bad? Will it get eaten before Christmas meaning not only that it goes BACK on the list, but so does a new pair of jeans in a bigger size?
She’s just remembered the Christmas party this weekend that she needs a Secret Santa gift for. Add that to the list. She’s wondering if she’s got the energy to get a few gifts from K-mart after this since it’s the only place she can think of that’s still open at this hour.
And then she turns the corner and sees a familiar face. It’s an old friend she hasn’t seen in a while. They have a great chat about how busy and stressed they both are. And then comes the dreaded phrase she knew was coming…
“Anyway, let’s catch up before Christmas!”
WHYYYYYYY dear God?! WHYYYYY?
One of two scenarios often happen next:
They agree on a time and place and she goes home feeling more overwhelmed and stressed.
They agree to catch up but don’t arrange anything specific so she feels stressed anyway and awkwardly avoids that friend until the same thing happens sometime next year.
Now step this way, and stay with me…
Imagine for a moment. You’re working at a retirement home and there’s an assembly for all the female residents. Tom Jones swaggers in and promises to take one lucky lady out for dinner. The first person to reach the stage wins.
Suddenly you have old ladies who haven’t walked in years leaping out of their wheelchairs. Others are whacking the competition with their walking frames, with a strength they certainly didn’t have when you were asking them to move from their bed to the chair.
Hips are breaking, wigs are flying. You’re trying to push three wheelchairs at a time so as not to show any favouritism. Martha reaches the stage and Harriet screams that Martha’s a no-good lesbian cheat. (Harriet’s not a nice person actually, and we’re secretly glad she didn’t win after this snarky comment).
The residents from the dementia ward next door have just arrived and most of them believe they’re under attack. And now you’ve been informed that you must assist everyone back to their rooms within the next ten minutes…
This scene is maybe a bit fun to watch, but also panic-inducing and very alarming! That’s what life is like in the lead up to Christmas. (I promise I’ll work harder on my metaphors).
But seriously, life is crazy at this time of year. So unless there’s some urgent pressing reason you NEED to catch up with that person in the very near future, DON’T!
It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them or value them. It means that you value your sanity. And it also means that you value that person enough to want to save the catch-up until after Christmas, when things are quieter and calmer. When you can relax together and laugh about all the family madness you’ve both experienced over Christmas.
I’ve started politely declining invitations to catch up before Christmas. Most people understand when you say that you just can’t fit more in but would love to catch up after Christmas.
You know that quiet period when you feel a bit lost because all the excitement and madness is over? You’ve come out of your food coma and you’re ready to face the world again. The only thing you really should be doing is that big decluttering project that you swore you’d do in your holidays… THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME to squeeze in those extra catch-ups!
So do whatever is right for you in the lead-up to Christmas. If catching up with friends is what gets you through the season, do it. But if it adds a layer of stress, just lovingly say no. Arrange a later session instead. Start the new year with some fun social engagements to look forward to.
How do you feel about pre-Christmas catch-ups? Love them? Hate them? Think I’m just a grumpy loner who doesn’t get it? Let me know in the comments!
So many people I know and love are grieving at the moment. I have been absorbed in my own grief for the past two years after my friend was killed in a tragic theme park accident. Dealing with grief has been one of the hardest things I’ve experienced. So to witness my loved ones experiencing it now is tough. There is nothing I can say or do to make it better for them.
My husband’s cherished grandmother passed away very recently. The grief has hit him hard. For many years she has been warning the family that she won’t be around the for the next Christmas. So I guess in a way we all thought we were prepared for this. But you can never really be prepared to lose someone you love, regardless of their age or the circumstances leading to their death.
Other friends and loved ones have recently lost their dads, their mums, their brothers, their sisters, their partners, their pets, their mates. And they weren’t prepared either. In fact, most of the deaths were sudden and unexpected.
Grief is an emotion that can have more power than anything you’ve experienced before. It hits you when you least expect it. A smell, a song, an object, a phrase… tiny details that trigger massive waves of emotion.
Not the kind of waves that lap at the shore, either. The kind that knock you over, drag you under, and throw you around until you don’t know which way will bring you back up to the air.
Over time, you might learn to let the wave drag you under. You’ll learn to stop fighting it, just give in to it, knowing that once it does its thing, you’ll eventually float back up to the surface.
Soon, you’ll start to see the wave coming, and you might learn to swim into it, making it a much less frightening experience. Eventually, the waves will mostly just lap at the shore. Consistent, frequent, but manageable.
And then it will only be the very occasional moments that you’ll get hit by a strong one again when you’re not looking. You’ll be dragged under, tossed around, and eventually come back up for air thinking, “where the hell did that come from?”
They say grief is the price we pay for love. When you’re experiencing grief, it makes love seem too expensive. Like if you knew it was going to cost this much, maybe you would have left it on the shelf. But in time, when the initial pain has dulled a little, you remember all the happiness. You realise that the value of the love was much higher than the cost.
So surrender to the ocean of grief. Love will be your lifebuoy.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Grief is a very normal and healthy emotion and process. But if you are having difficulty dealing with your grief and need support, please speak with a professional or someone you trust.
Life is busy, stressful and sometimes draining. It doesn’t matter how motivated and dedicated you are to your goals, sometimes your energy just fizzles out or you feel completely overwhelmed. Others place huge demands on you, or you burn the candle at both ends. Whatever the cause of your depletion, you need to find a way to restore your energy. Then you can get back to living your best life.
Personality plays a part
Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert is a huge factor in how you restore your energy. Lots of people believe that introversion means your shy while extroversion means you’re loud and social. That’s not entirely true. Introversion/extroversion is actually more about how you get your energy.
Introverts restore their energy from within, usually by having quiet time. Extroverts restore their energy by being around other people. Introverts can be very social and not at all shy, but they still prefer their own space when they’re feeling depleted. Extroverts on the other hand, can be very shy, but they still get their energy from being around other people.
I am most definitely an introvert. Not so much shy, but definitely socially awkward. And given the opportunity to go to a party or have the house to myself for a few hours, “Lock in B, Eddie!”
How I restore my energy
Since becoming a mum, I get very little time entirely to myself. When the baby’s asleep, the husband wants to talk to me, and when the husband’s working, the baby needs my attention. Even when everyone else is asleep, I’m listening out for the baby or trying to think ahead to what he’ll need when he wakes up.
In my day job I’m meeting with people every day that I’ve never met before. I need to learn a lot of information about them in a short space of time. Then I go back to my desk which is in an open plan environment and can be extremely noisy as discussions go on around the office.
All of this is completely draining to me. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy any of it. I love ALL of it. But it drains my energy. So I need to then find some quiet time to recharge.
These are my favourite ways to restore my energy:
Not the kind of cooking where you’re trying to get dinner on the table before the kid loses his mind and the husband eats all the snacks. The kind of cooking where the kitchen is clean, the music is playing, and I can create. The aspects of cooking that bring me comfort are a bit contradictory. On one hand I enjoy having a process to follow. But on the other hand, I like deviating a bit and being creative. I tend to look at a heap of different recipes and then make my own up based loosely on what I’ve read.
Whether I’m reading to learn, or reading to escape, it restores my energy. The non-fiction books I read teach me about something I’m interested in. This inspires me and boosts my energy a lot. When I read fiction, I remove myself from my own world for a little while and become totally absorbed in another story. My brain gets a chance to let go of all my own issues and worries. My body gets a chance to rest. And I feel restored.
Stress often builds up and energy begins to drain when I’m feeling overwhelmed. The best way I’ve found to combat this is to sit down and write it all out. Dumping all my tasks onto a bit of paper and then sorting out a plan helps me to feel calmer and more in control. I like to plan my meals, my week, my goals, and my work. More often than not, I have to deviate from the plan. Things come up. That’s life. But working out the plan is therapeutic for me, and having the plan helps me feel a bit more energised and focused.
One of my favourite, but most rare forms of energy restoration is a luxurious soak in the bath. Hot water, bubbles, essential oils, soft music, and a good novel. And a glass of wine. Don’t forget the wine. This gives me some time out away from every other human, relaxes all my muscles, and makes me feel pampered. At the end of it, I’m usually nice and relaxed and ready to face the world again. It makes me a bit sad to realise that it’s been about two years since I’ve properly enjoyed this experience, so it’s going on my list for 2019 to make it a more regular occurrence.
Other (boring but important) forms of energy restoration
Now of course, there are other ways to restore your energy that are important to mention. These are the things that are important for all people, regardless of whether you are an introvert or extrovert. They are also the things that we read about alllll the time and know we should be doing… you know the ones.
I’m not gonna go into them in this post but keep them in mind. They really do help!
So I’ve talked about some of my favourite ways to restore my energy as an introvert. I’d love to hear your favourite methods. Please leave a comment below!
Winging it: my new-found philosophy (and a bit of a book review)
I’ve just finished reading Winging It by Emma Isaacs. The title alone was alluring, because I feel like lately I’m always just “winging it”. The new business I’m building? Winging it. My other job? Usually winging it. Motherhood? I’m totally winging it (and often flapping around out of control and running into glass windows, just quietly).
I’m not going to summarise the book for you, because sometimes when I read book reviews, I decide I no longer need to read the book. And I feel like that would be an injustice.
But Emma Isaacs made me feel like it’s totally okay to wing it in most circumstances. You don’t have to be an expert on something before giving it a go. In fact, you’ll never become an expert on something unless you give it a go. Failures will happen, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
At first I thought ‘Winging It’ would be primarily focused on business, but I was glad to discover it was applicable to many areas of life. The book did cover topics such as business and leadership, but it was also fabulous for personal growth and improving your mindset.
We get ‘stuck’ in life so often. Sometimes it’s because we feel like we don’t know enough to make a change. Other times it’s because we don’t want to fail. Or we don’t want to look like a fool. But so many success stories began with someone who took the plunge and had a go, even though they might not have felt 100% ready. I know most of the good turning points in my life were a result of me saying “ah, stuff it – I’ll give it a whirl and see what happens”.
In saying that, taking a leap of faith, or ‘winging it’ is actually very uncomfortable for me! I do like to have a good plan before doing anything. But every now and then, you have to give yourself a little nudge and just take flight. Life is too short to be constantly stuck in the planning or dreaming phase.
If you’re seeking some inspiration in life and trying to build up the nerve to give something a go, I recommend reading ‘Winging It’ by Emma Isaacs.
I’d love for you to let me know what you think of the book, or if there are other books that you can recommend that have changed your thinking.