How attribution bias is holding you back

Have you noticed that when other people get something good (eg. a dream job, a beautiful house, an award etc), we tend to think that they just got lucky and all their circumstances made it easy for them.
Whereas when things go right for us we attribute our success to our hard work and good choices.
On the other hand, when things go badly for other people we are quick to identify how they made poor choices or didn’t work hard enough.
And when things go badly for us we blame the external circumstances and our bad luck.
Isn’t this fascinating? In psychology it’s called the attribution bias, and it’s a really deep and interesting topic to delve into.
But I raise it here because it can hold you back from taking responsibility and being accountable for your outcomes. And the point of taking responsibility is not to make you feel bad. The point is that when YOU are responsible, YOU can change the outcomes! You do not have to continue to be a victim of circumstances beyond your control.
You will achieve so much more when you realise that YOU create your results, REGARDLESS of the external factors.

Don’t be afraid of the waves

I was listening to a Marie Forleo interview with Bethany Hamilton, who lost her arm to a shark attack when she was 13 and then went on to become a champion surfer. One of the questions was “how do you get over your fear of big waves?”

I was interested in the answer because I too am scared of waves.

Bethany’s answer was simple, yet profound.

She said you just need to become a really strong swimmer first, because that will build your confidence and know that you can get out of any big waves.

Now, I am not, and will probably NEVER be a really strong swimmer. I just don’t want it badly enough to put the practice in and get better at it. Who knows, maybe I will work on that someday, but it’s not on my list right now.

But Bethany’s answer applies out of the water too.

I am afraid of actual watery waves, but I am more afraid of the figurative waves that inevitably hit us during our life. The unexpected tragedies, the periods of great uncertainty, the life-altering circumstances that come from nowhere.

But just like having a swimming coach would help me develop my swimming strength, life coaching has developed my mental strength, my resilience, my ability to manage any situation and to have the confidence that I can get through anything, no matter how big the wave is.

If you want to build your strength to ride the waves (not the watery ones), I can help you. Not only will you learn to take your life where you want it to go, you will learn how to manage the things that are out of your control.

You can book a free consult here: https://bit.ly/FlyLifeDiscoveryCall

Make it a happy new year

There’s a common theme around the New Years wishes this year: “Let’s hope it’s better than last year!”

But how about we stop just hoping for the circumstances to get better, and commit to doing everything we can to MAKE it the year we want it to be.

Because no matter what is going on in the world, there are always going to be challenges, shitty circumstances, and barriers to your goals.

And when you accept that, and take responsibility for managing your mind and being who you want to be REGARDLESS of the circumstances, THAT’S when you will move forwards and achieve your dreams.

I can help you learn to do this. If you are ready to make 2022 the year you feel happy, driven, calm, and accomplished, NO MATTER WHAT new barriers might pop up, book a free consult now.
bit.ly/FlyLifeDiscoveryCall

Your life is NOT a mess!

“My life is a mess!” You sometimes say it as a joke. Sometimes you are deadly serious and feeling hopeless and overwhelmed.

But regardless of the mood in which you say it, comments like this are programming your brain to believe and find evidence of the thought.

When you say something like “my life is a mess” you then focus on all the reasons it’s messy.

But what if your life ISN’T a mess? What if you’ve got lots of “circumstances” that aren’t exactly how you’d like them, and it’s actually your mind that’s a bit of a mess?

There’s good news here. When your LIFE is a mess, it feels out of your control and hard to fix. But if it’s your MIND that’s a bit messy, we can fix that.

You have complete control over your thoughts and beliefs. It might take some work and some practice, but YOU can tidy it up.

When you clean up your thoughts, you create different feelings.

And when you feel less overwhelmed and out of control, you’re able to take better actions.

And when you take better actions, you get better results. Life is no longer messy.

Reach out if you want help with this x

What belief do you have about your goal?

Stop and think about your big goal. Your dream.

If you had to dig deep what’s your belief about that goal?

Do you believe you can definitely do it? Is it inevitable? Or do you think other people can do it but there’s a whole lot of reasons you can’t?

Do you believe it’s easy or hard?

Then consider whether those thoughts and beliefs are driving you TOWARD your goal, or if they’re holding you back.

If you find they might be holding you back, think about what thoughts or beliefs you could replace them with that would serve you better.

This is some of the stuff I really help my clients fine tune so that they are constantly driving TOWARD their goals and achieving the success that they had previously only dreamed about.

If you’d like to try a free coaching session, book here. I’m still offering half price coaching packages until the end of November 2021.

Try saying I GET TO instead of I HAVE TO

Quick Tip: try saying “I get to…” instead of “I have to…”

It completely changes your energy and encourages thoughts of gratitude instead of resentment or obligation.

For example:

  • Instead of “I have to entertain my child” try “I get to entertain my child.” I did this during the week when I was a bit stressed about work but needed to look after my little one. When I changed my thought I suddenly felt so grateful to have this opportunity to spend time with him, and I knew I could get my work done after. Plus, he pushed me on the swing which was fun! 😄
  • instead of “I have to wash the dishes” try “I get to wash the dishes”. Your brain will go “huh?!” And suddenly you will be thinking of all the reasons that’s a privilege. Like, I have dishes to wash, I had food to eat off those dishes, I have a kitchen to wash them in, my body allows me to do this functional task.
  • here’s a funny one: I was out in the rain this afternoon picking up dog shit so that it wouldn’t turn to a sloppy stinking mess in my backyard. I was grumbling to myself about it, when I switched my thought to “I get to pick up dog shit in the rain”. 🤣 Not only did the thought make me laugh, I also started thinking of all the reasons that was a privilege: I have dogs to love (even if they don’t clean up after themselves), I have a backyard to enjoy and maintain, we are not in drought, the rain was gentle and kind of refreshing (if it weren’t for the smell of dog shit 😂)… etc.

Try it. Next time you’re feeling grumpy or stressed about having to do something, try changing your thought to “I get to…” and see what happens. Let me know how it works for you!

Excel in life with a life coach

Elite athletes want to excel at their sport. Elite athletes have coaches to help them reach their highest potential. The athlete has the skill and the talent, but the coach can see things from another perspective. The coach has tools and strategies to offer when the athlete is struggling or when they’ve reached a plateau. The coach can motivate and inspire, and keep the athlete focused on the goal when the athlete is feeling tired, distracted, or feels like giving up.

These concepts also apply to people who want to excel in their LIFE.

When you have a goal and you’re just not getting there by yourself, a coach can really get you to that next level. We all love to think that we can do it alone, but even the most talented athletes didn’t get to where they are by themselves.

Imagine what you could achieve in just one year if you had a coach working with you every week to drive you toward your goals.

Who could you become if you invested that time and money in yourself now?

What difference could you make in the world when you reach that goal?

Right now, I am offering a 12-month coaching package for just $2500 (that’s half price!). The first consult is absolutely free and there’s no obligation to continue.

On that first call, I will show you how we can work together to achieve your goals. We still start to identify barriers, patterns, solutions, and the way forward.

If you decide to continue with a coaching plan, we will start booking in your weekly sessions and you will start to notice results very quickly. You will learn tools and strategies that you can apply in multiple areas of your life and you will excel. Your life will change.

So the 12 month package is $2500 with weekly sessions (there are smaller packages if you prefer, but locking in the 12 month package at this price seems obvious). You can save a further 10% by paying upfront, AND you can cancel anytime and I’ll refund the remainder of the package.

I want to take the money drama out of this situation, so I’m trying to make it as easy as possible for you.

The only questions I want you to have right now are:

  1. What is it costing me to NOT achieve this goal / be the person I want to be?
  2. When can we get started?

If you’re ready to book in your first free consult, click here –> https://outlook.office365.com/owa/calendar/FlyLifePersonalDevelopment1@flylifepd.com.au/bookings/s/6uIf32Q2rU6TOEkaWV09Bw2

Okay I tried it and it actually works

My life literally changed when I learned that my circumstances don’t create my results.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I resisted this knowledge for a long time. I am not a great coaching client. I get mad at my coach and mutter to myself that they don’t get it.

But then when I eventually get sick of getting the same results over and over again, I play a little game with myself. It’s called, “let’s just pretend that my coach knows what they’re talking about”.

Then I try out the tools and techniques and the shift in mindset. And then I quietly watch in awe as my results start to change.

This is what lead me to life coaching. The knowledge that whoever you are, and whatever you’ve got going on in your life… you can still achieve whatever you want.

I have a degree in psychology and a certification in life coaching. I live for the “a-ha” moments and the “okay I tried it and it actually worked” moments.

I can’t wait to see the incredible results that my clients achieve when they open themselves up to life coaching.

And right now, I’m offering 50% off my coaching packages. You can sign up for a whole year, or for as little as six weeks. No risk – cancel anytime.

If you’re interested, send me a message or book a complimentary consult to chat further and make sure this is for you.

You can’t make me feel angry sweetheart

My little boy said “I’m sorry for making you angry”

I gently explained to him that he can’t really make me angry; only my own thoughts make me feel angry.

It’s a tricky concept for adults to learn, because we are taught from such a young age that our behaviour makes other people feel happy, sad, angry, etc.

But if we learn that we are responsible for other people’s feelings, that means that other people are responsible for OUR feelings!

And that’s not right.

We are responsible for our own feelings. And our thoughts are what create our feelings. So sure, I had some thoughts about my child’s behaviour that made me cranky.

But we are also responsible for our own behaviour. So I need to help him unravel what he was feeling that caused him to behave that way. What thoughts was he having to create that feeling?

I wondered if these concepts and tools that I teach my clients were too complex for a 4-year-old.

But then I realised that if we all learned this when we were little, we would have so much more emotional stability and empowerment.

Plus, he’s very coachable and I have a good canine mediator for when things do get a bit heated.

Life lessons in a cardboard tent… the dog was particularly mind-blown by my wisdom.

If you want to take back the power of being in charge of your own feelings, your actions, and your results, let’s talk. Just because you learnt that other people can cause your feelings, doesn’t mean that you have to keep believing that. Book a free consult to talk about how this is showing up in your life, and how to change it for good.

Mid-Year Personal Review

I love the mid-way point in the year almost as much as I love the start of a brand new year. It feels like the perfect opportunity to check in and make sure I’m still heading where I want to be going.

It’s easy to set big goals at the start of the year and forget about them by February. Life gets crazy and our priorities change. So I actually like to do these reviews every 3 months. But the mid-year one feels significant… kind of like a fresh start!

Here’s how I do my mid-year review:

Review the first half

First, ask yourself these questions:

  1. what went really well? What are you proud of?
  2. what was challenging?
  3. what lessons did you learn?
  4. what are your favourite memories?
  5. were you living up to your values? Were you being the person you want to be? If not, what was lacking?

It helps to look back at your calendar / diaries / journals… anything that will prompt your memory about all the things you’ve done so far. I always find it astounding to realise how much I actually achieved.

Review your goals

Where are you up to with your goals? Some of your goals might have been completed, while others might be habit goals that will continue throughout the year. Think about what’s been going well with your goals, and make sure you’ve celebrated any achievements.

Set the tone for the next half of the year

Think about the following questions:

  1. What values will you live up to in the next 6 months?
  2. What tasks do you need to complete?
  3. How do you want to feel?
  4. Who do you need to be? What kind of person do you need to be?

Reset your goals

Re-write your goals, leaving behind any that no longer feel important to you, and adding any new ones that light you up.

You might like to break them up into project goals (which can be completed in a certain timeframe) or habit goals (either making new habits or breaking old habits).

You also might like to consider each different domain of your life to make sure you’re not missing anything important:

  • friends & family
  • health
  • significant other / romance
  • money
  • personal growth
  • career
  • physical environment
  • fun & recreation

How did you go?

If you follow this process for a mid-year review, I’d love to hear about it! What did you uncover? What are you most looking forward to in the next 6 months?

Chat soon!